I Felt Like My Life was Unraveling
When I was redesigning this blog and moving from the Hindsight Bride brand to the Mountainside Bride brand, it took forever to develop the new website and with each delay I became increasingly heart broken. I was ready to throw in the towel. I just wanted to blog and had serious doubts about how worthwhile the rebrand would be. I contemplated just staying with the Hindsight Bride brand, and focus on blogging rather than redesigning and web development.
I hated not blogging everyday. I'm a blogger for chrissake. My heart is with producing content. I HATE trying to make a category-archives page work properly. I HATE trying to figure out which design elements will work in my sidebar calls-to-action; and I freaking HATE trying to unravel the mess my terminally-ill-can't-finish-the-project coder left me with. Arg! It's called style.css NOT base.css, short-bus!
And I Was Jealous
I had been futzing around in the code for weeks and hating it. I was thinking of quitting.
Quitting = Wine.
Quitting = Relaxation.
Quitting = Trouble-free blogging.
To make matters worse, I'm felt simultaneous celebratory and jealous of my dear friends Lauren and Megan who had successfully launched their own projects on schedule. YAY for you girls, but God I felt like this highlighted my own shortcomings. I felt lousy. And for some reason it reminded me of my engagement.
Crap! Is This What The Rest of My Life Looks Like?
I'm not gonna lie: there were a handful of times when I thought, is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Bickering with this jackass? Not getting along? Not seeing eye-to-eye? Who would marry such an asshole?
We argued. And when we argued, we argued hard. Of course I have no freaking idea what the eff we were arguing about. Probably stupid shit like wedding decor, or money, or the guest list. All I remember is thinking–and by thinking I mean I was screaming inside my head–I can't do it! I don't want this! I quit! This is too hard!
In the heat of the moment, I seriously contemplated calling off the engagement. Not once, but a few times. No lie. It was intense. It was a big project. It was a HUGE commitment. Similarly, I have seriously thought of shit-canning the Mountainside Bride and going back to the status quo. Because it's intense, and it's a big project, and it's a HUGE commitment.
And Then There Was The Wedding
And then there was our wedding. Beautiful. Magical. Every detail falling into place.
And then there is our marriage. Safe. Comforting. Still full of jokes and hugs, and super-fun-awesome adventures.
OK, to be fair, the marriage it's still not rainbows and sausages at every moment in the Mountainside Household, but it's good. Really good. Like most marriages, it takes work, but it's good.
And that's the real reason my sucky blog reminded me of my (sometimes) sucky engagement. Because ultimately, it wasn't all bad. And ultimately the “product” (read: the wedding/the rebrand) ended up being wonderful. And ultimately, the real “product (read: the marriage/ the new blog) will continue to be fulfilling, life-sustaining, and fun–day after day.
OK, that's it for the “pep talk,” dear readers ;-)
P.S. Incidentally, Megan from Glamour and Grace and Lauren from Every Last Detail deserve credit for their continual support and encouragements, and occasionally talking me off the ledge ;-) Thanks Ladies!