Wedding ceremony
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Expert Advice | Writing Your Own Vows

Asheville Wedding Officiant Offers Expert Advice for Writing Your Own Wedding Vows.

Today I have Asheville wedding officiant Laura Collins from Living Rituals to talk about writing your own wedding vows. Writing your own vows can be a daunting task. It's sometimes hard to put your feelings into words. It's even harder to get up in front of 150 or so of your closest friends and family and publicly share those most personal sentiments. Laura is here today with some tips to get you started. For more information about Laura Collins or Living Rituals, visit her website at

Wedding ceremony
Image from Cariad Photography via Hindsight Bride

From Laura

There are many aspects of your wedding day. Among the most poignant are the vows you and your fiancé will share. When you begin to work with the officiant who will guide your ceremony, let them know if you would like to write your own vows or get help in writing them.

A great way to start is by having a page or two of traditional and non-traditional vows to look over. A good officiant should be able to supply this list for you. Even when writing your own, don’t avoid the tried and true vows; they have some lovely sentiments that you may want to include. Then take time to read through the list together and mark the words and phrases you like and strike through the phrases that really don’t work for you. This is a great discussion starter about what you and your spouse-to-be each believe and hope for.

Do some brainstorming. What do you most value about relationships? What strengths do you want in your marriage? See if you can whittle each of those values and strengths into one word or a short phrase.

Look far into the future. When you are excited about a wedding, it’s a little hard to think down the road a few decades and imagine what it might be like to be married to someone who has become disabled or to be concerned about an issue about which you might really disagree. But give it a try. What would you want from your partner in those instances? Life is going to throw you some curve balls. What do you hope to experience with your partner when that happens? Look around at some older couples you admire and talk about what appeals to you about their marriage.

Keep your vows a reasonable length. No matter how together you think you are, you may be surprised at how making these life-long promises can choke you up. You’ll thank me if you keep them shorter. You don’t have to say everything you’ve ever wanted in a relationship or go into depth about how you met your partner. Save that story for a toast at the reception. If you find a poem that really speaks to you about the meaning of relationships, find another place to include it in the ceremony, perhaps just before or after the vows and let one of your friends or family members share it.

Consider a Vision Statement. Some partners decide to write a vision statement for their marriage and use this as a basis for their vows. You may not want to go to that length, but I encourage you to give yourself at least as much time to discuss your vows as you do to conferring about the clothes you’re going to wear. Hopefully, your promises will last a lot longer than the clothes.