20 Fights Every Engaged Couple Should Have

wedding fights

I was flipping through Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior (Yes, I am the proud owner of several étiquette books. Not that I take them too seriously, but nonetheless…)

Anyway, It seems that Miss Manners and I share the same, somewhat wry sense of humor. While I am all for the giddy romance of engagement and marriage, I also understand that both are rife with both frivolous and serious fights, bickerments, and spats.

The following is a hilarious and all too true of an engagement time line. I found myself chuckling over more than not. Yep, we TOTALLY had *that* fight. Has it struck a cord with you too? {wink!}

From Miss Manners:

“Here, then is a checklist of étiquette fights an engaged couple should have, so as to be ready and tired enough for a peaceful marriage. Miss Manners is presuming that the couple is well-suited and in love, and that fortune and their families are smiling upon them.

Six Months Before

  • Fight over whether the wedding is to be formal or informal.
  • Fight over what is meant by “formal” and “informal.”
  • FIght over size of wedding.
  • Fight over whether 75 people can be considered a small wedding.
  • Fight over whether silver and china fit into your way of life.
  • Fight over whether silver and china are a better investment than electronic equipment.

Three Months Before

  • Fight over whether anybody can really tell the difference between engraving and raised print.
  • Fight over whether relatives who had bitter divorces should be invited, as well as their former spouses.
  • Fight over whether their own former lovers should be invited.
  • Fight over whether the mother of the bridegroom should be forced to wear a type of dress she dislikes in order to be visually paired with the mother of the bride, who finds that style flattering.

Two Months Before

  • Fight over the discovery that the bridegroom's family has not only exceeded its quota of guests, but has provided a list using initials instead of names and terms such as “and family” for children.
  • Fight over whether guests' requests to bring their current love interests should be honored and who is going to tell people that their small children will not be welcome.
  • Fight over slurs made toward relatives who sent cheap and tasteless presents.

One Month Before

  • Fight over whether it is the bride or the bride's mother who is at fault because elderly friends are beginning to complain that their presents have not yet been acknowledged.
  • Fight over whether seating arrangements should be done according to tradition or according to who is speaking to whom.

One Week Before

  • Fight over the failure of some guests from each side to answer invitations and about who is going to prod whom so as to proved accurate numbers to the caterer.
  • Fight over how much luggage is to n=be taken on the wedding trip.
  • Fight over the wisdom of marrying a person now discovered to be short tempered, stylistically alien to one's own tradition and completely absorbed in petty details to the exclusion of any intellectual or romantic activity.

At The Wedding

  • Fight over whether the ceremonial kiss should demonstrate enthusiasm for the marriage or protect the bridal makeup.
  • Fight over whether it is each other, the wedding guests, or the videographer who deserves the couple's chief attention during the reception.

Miss manners goes on to say:

“This is only a minimum list, and every young couple should make additions…The important thing to remember is that no one rule of étiquette is a s essential as the general atmosphere of conflicting standards. People who have conscientiously fought our such matters during the engagement will find themselves only too grateful to be living happily ever after.”

Now I know it's not considered polite wedding blog étiquette to bring up couples fights. We are supposed to be “inspiring.” Yes, I know. But the fact is you will fight. You have fought. and You'll fight again. It's a part of working out the whole “equally yoked” part of marriage. It's best to accept that it will happen and learn to fight fairly and with mutual respect for each other (or as much respect as you can summon for the other in the think of it.)