When planning the perfect wedding, it’s hard to accept that something could go wrong. Ask any wedding professional, though, and they’ll quickly confirm that hiccups are inevitable for a special event. Unfortunately, even the best-laid plans have a way of going awry, so it’s wise to prepare for worst-case scenarios and avoid disappointment!
But what can you do when a wedding party member drops out for reasons beyond your control? Suddenly, you’re faced with an emotional and logistical challenge. You’ll miss having your loved one at your side, but you also need to figure out what the change means for your day-of plans.
If you’ve found yourself in this situation (or you simply want to be ready if it happens), keep reading to learn how to navigate this issue with grace.
Plan ahead, if possible
While some life events are unpredictable, others may hint at the possibility of losing a wedding party member at the last minute. So, as much as possible, try to prepare for circumstances that may cause a loved one to drop out.
“Post-COVID, anything can happen!” reminds Thomas Waters of The Renaissance. “Due to current conditions, it may be a good idea to not only have a B List for guests, but you may also want something similar for your wedding party. Is your maid of honor pregnant? Is one of your loved wedding party members in the military or a member of the medical profession? There are certain conditions where just having a backup plan makes sense.”
Treating such situations proactively allows you to discuss potential changes with your wedding party before they become a last-minute problem, so you can plan accordingly.
Keep communication lines open
When a loved one drops out, it’s natural to feel confused, shocked, or even a bit hurt. But you’re still the head of your wedding party, so you need to discuss how the change impacts your plans.
“Depending on why they are dropping out, make sure you have a conversation with them to clearly understand the reasons and what that means in terms of them attending your wedding or not,” encourages Alicia Mae of ILE Events. “Clear communication is always best when dealing with sensitive situations like this.”
Likewise, “it’s important to communicate with the remaining members of your wedding party,” says Jacqueline Vizcaino of Tinted Event Design and Planning. “Let them know what’s going on and see if they can step up and help fill the gap.”
Once everyone is on the same page, you can start turning plans into action and navigate the transition smoothly — no matter which direction you choose.
Determine if you want to replace them
If a wedding party member bows out before the big day, the key question is whether you should replace them. On the one hand, you’ve already made plans for a set number of people. But on the other, it presents a difficult decision of who (and how) to ask to fill in.
“Whether you want to replace the wedding party member who dropped out or not is up to you,” assures Julianne Smith of The Garter Girl. “Be mindful of who you ask to replace them, though, because you don’t want to cause more harm than good or make the replacement feel like they were a second choice or a last resort.”
“No one wants to feel like they’re the next best thing, so think about this before asking,” says Kimberly Sisti of SISTI & CO.
When considering a replacement, ask yourself why you want to fill the spot. Is there a specific person you think will suit the role? Or is it a matter of balancing numbers?
If it’s the latter, Joan Wyndrum-O’Hear of Blooms by the Box promises there’s no reason to worry. “One person short won’t matter,” she confirms. “Occasionally, situations arise and take precedence over a wedding day, but fret not, uneven bridal parties are popular, and it will all work out with one less wedding party member.”
Sisti agrees, suggesting to “consider leaving it be if symmetry doesn’t matter for your bridal party. Your bridal party is supposed to be comprised of your closest friends and family. Adding someone just to add them could spark resentment later on in that friendship.”
However, Jamie Chang of Mango Muse Events notes that you may need to select a replacement if the wedding party member has an important job only they can do.
“If that wedding party member has a very specific role, like speaking at the ceremony or reception, you’ll want to designate someone to take their place,” she says. “This person could be someone else in the wedding party or just another friend or family member that can step in and do their job without having to be a part of the wedding party.”
To replace or not to replace — the choice is yours, so pick the route that factors in the thoughts and feelings of everyone involved.
Consider honoring them on the big day
Whether it’s your maid of honor going into labor or a groomsman who falls ill, your loved one didn’t make their decision in haste. Just because they can’t attend doesn’t mean you can’t include them in the celebration, though!
“Feel free to recognize them in programs or toasts, or set up a live stream to include them in the festivities,” recommends Nora Sheils of Rock Paper Coin and Bridal Bliss. “It was likely a difficult situation or unforeseen event that has caused your wedding party member to drop out, so give them grace and know that although this person may be missed, you will still have an amazing day.”
Depending on the circumstances, you may ask your planner or a family member to start a video call for the ceremony so your loved one can witness the big moment in real time. It’s so easy to connect with others nowadays, so there’s no reason to leave anyone out!
While losing a member of your wedding party is never ideal, it’s not the end of the world — and it certainly won’t spoil your big day. Wedding planning is an exercise in adaptability, so remain flexible and stay true to the real purpose of your big day: tying the knot and starting a life together as newlyweds!
Meghan Ely is the owner of wedding PR and wedding marketing firm OFD Consulting. Ely is a sought-after speaker, adjunct professor in the field of public relations, and a self-professed royal wedding enthusiast.